So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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