Your tits are I can't wait for
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize