I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
