i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In America we eat man semen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
