she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
