I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dignity is for republicans.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
