now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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