I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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