I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
