Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
