and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
