YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
