how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
