Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
