she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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