God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
