Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
