is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
