I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
