I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
