I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
