Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
