that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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