so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
