we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
