I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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