Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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