playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize