I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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