and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
