woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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