nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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