therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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