I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
