Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
