So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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