I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
