Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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