I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
