Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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