you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
