I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
