idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
