is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love black thongs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
