I think I am morally bankrupt
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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