will power is for people who don't want to get laid
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
