Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
