I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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