She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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