The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
