3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
