just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the day after is always just damage control
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
