Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
