I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
