i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
