One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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