I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize