You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
