she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
