Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
