im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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