My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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