I hate all girls vehemently.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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