So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
