Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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