So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
