now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
someone owes me an orgasm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
