Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
