I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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