but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
