it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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