i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
