so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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